I decided on New Year’s Day this year that I would drink for up to five celebrations this year, but that I would only decide to drink in a celebratory manner from now on.
The perfunctory drinking of the past is unsustainable for me. If I continued doing it, it would destroy my health quickly. I realized that I would rather limit drinking to special festivities, and even so doing so in moderation. I have drank enough in my life that I have enough good associations with drinking to want to continue to do it, especially under stressful circumstances. This year I am putting into practice an attempt to create a lifestyle for myself that is sustainable, and offers for me controlled growth. I find that alcohol’s side effects are numerous and affect many parts of my life negatively. For example, I eat more impulsively after drinking, and drinking’s effect on my blood sugar makes me want to eat more. Now that I drink a lot less, I also eat a lot less. I also sleep less, and get better quality sleep, so I can do more in a day.
I used to love going to bars because it meant I might get lucky and strike up a spontaneous connection with someone, maybe getting me laid. Now I realize that a relationship that starts under those circumstances may have fundamental problems. The need to drink to feel uninhibited or intimate is something I am working towards changing. As an artist, it is up to me to open my heart and mind up perpetually, and to rely on substances to do so compromises the quality and integrity of my output. I would have a hard time sustainably relying on substances to allow me to create good work.
The party’s over. Seeing the way our world’s leadership is failing at actually leading humanity towards a more certain progress, I feel strange dulling myself almost nightly with alcohol when there is so much work to be done. It is still important to remember to celebrate life and parties are healthy social expressions that need to happen under even the most repressive of circumstances.